Shock and Disappointment...

Disappointment... Pouring my time, energy and heart into a deal I believed in, and at the last minute, it falls through... The urge to get angry, second guess myself, beat myself up, lay blame, run away, & pretend I didn't care... Then, it hits me: I did my best. The other guy did his best. All my negative reactions are a further waste of energy. Time to be OK with what is. Calmness comes over me...

Finding goodness when others are criticizing

A man I talked with yesterday told me all about his selfish and mean jerk of a roommate who is his girlfriend's sister's fiance, and how everyone in the family hates him. I said this is a great opportunity for him to see the good in the man, & work hard to find out why his girlfriend's sister fell in love with him, & what good she sees in him. He said he would! Cool! Difference made. Who are you judging negatively, instead of searching for their goodness?

Is it right to lower expectations?

Well if one of my options is to lower my expectations to achieve happiness/positivity, isn't that wrong? Isn't it right to always have high expectations? There is no right or wrong answer to that. It is just a choice. If you choose high standards, that will sometimes pull yourself and others up. It will often lead to frustration, resentment and sadness. Choosing to reduce or eliminate your expectation may lead to complacency, but it will also lead to happpiness. Each situation presents us with a choice. Are you making those choices automatically/reactively, or by intentional choice, based on what will lead to the desired outcome?

Expectations are the source of all negativity

The basis for every single negative thought you have ever had is an unfulfilled expectation. Think about that, and see if you can see how that directly applies to the times you have been angry, disappointed, or ashamed.

And we are in charge of our expectations. We choose them. Most people don’t realize that. Every time you have a negative thought, you have three choices: (1) Lower your expectations, (2) find a way to empower yourself or the other person to meet your expectation, or (3) change the circumstances or person (get divorced, quit the job, fire the employee, stop talking to the sibling or child, cancel the friendship).

Those are the only 3 choices. Are you making the choices consciously and intentionally? Or are those choices getting made automatically, sometimes with bad outcomes?

Leadership by the young is often needed

Oftentimes we watch older or more experienced people at home or at work self-destruct or engage in detrimental actions or severe conflict, thinking there is nothing we can do about it. But usually, in those situations, the youngest and junior-most person needs to step up and take leadership by helping his/her elders to get out of their own way in order to resolve the conflict and/or accomplish the team's objective. Where are you holding back because you are young or less experienced?

The key to happiness...

The key to happiness is staying calm, no matter what craziness is around you, just by taking 5 really deep breaths before saying or doing anything. So many times I have wanted to yell, run away, not careor pretend. Then I take 5 deep breaths, get back in touch with who I am & what I want, which causes me to do or say something very different than what I my first reaction was going to be. Try it. You will like it.

Success is what you make out of what you got

It is not what you have. It is what you make out of what you have. I went to high school with this brother and sister. The brother was wicked smart and super lazy. The sister was average intelligence but very hardworking and dedicated. I have kept in touch with both of them. The brother works at a convenience store, and the sister earned her PhD in AstroPhysics, was in NASA’s astronaut training program, and now teaches science at one of the best high schools in the state of New York. What can you make for yourself out of what you have?

I am not in charge of my children's actions

We are not in charge of who our children fall in love with. We are also not in charge of what our children do to/with their bodies (tattoos, piercings, lack of exercise, overeating, risk taking, etc). In fact, come to think of it, we are not in charge of our adult children at all. So much of the conflict, tension, resentment and estrangement between parents and children is caused by us parents negatively judging the actions of our kids. I am making a concerted effort to avoid doing that, by accepting the actions of my kids, whether or not I approve of them. How about you?

Happiness

The key to happiness is not having what you want. Rather, it is wanting what you have. Pick an area of your life that you wish was different or that you don’t like, or a person that is giving you trouble, and find a way to celebrate its or their greatness. Find the value in it/him/her. Happiness results from intentionally being happy with the way things are.

Connecting with each and every person

How many people do you contact in a day that you do not make a connection with. The person at the gas station. The cashier at the grocery store. The bank teller. I have recently started focusing on making eye contact with each and every person, smiling, connecting, and saying something appreciative like “Thank you for being here today to accept my deposit.” Or “thank you for the quick and accurate checkout work.” Who is willing to do this with me?

Happy Anniversary Beth!

Dear Beth: 23 years of great memories... 23 years of loving eachother even when we didn't want to :-)... 23 years of profoundly impacting the world... 23 years of being there for eachother no matter what the situation... 23 years of raising great kids... 23 years of creating joy in our world together, no matter the ci...rcumstances... 23 years of loving eachother. That is the most important thing... Love ALWAYS, Fred.