People are triggerable

People are triggerable. We just are. So when someone that I work with or care about does something that is makes me sad or makes me mad, or is a big shock, I have learned that the first step is to find out what triggered them to act the way they are acting: Starting with the assumption that they do not mean to harm me or us or our project, and then looking for the trigger. I do that by asking them probing questions about what has happened recently, and what their underlying not-yet-spoken concerns might be. Once the trigger is known, the real issue can be addressed and resolved, usually to the satisfaction of the other person and myself. The results are extraordinary.